I don't know about you, but over the Christmas/New Year period I like to place a bet on which one of my friends is going to announce their engagement, I was right this time, one of my closest friends won the prize, she was proposed to on Christmas day. So I thought I would compose a post on my own thoughts behind the reasons for a proposal, and in particular those of the male perspective, you may be surprised by what I discovered, I certainly was.
The tradition would be: Dating, becoming an official boyfriend and girlfriend, live together, engagement, wedding, kids, right? But why do we feel pressure to follow such ‘tradition’? Do you believe in this tradition? It makes sense, to be in a stable relationship before committing to a marriage, to settle in a home before introducing babies to the house.
My point here is, I'm a woman, we want to tell that engagement story for the rest of our lives to anyone who will listen, but do our men? What is really going through their heads? I wanted to explore and delve into how our men truly feel.
Photo from Unsplash
So I asked a few close male friends and found the following insights:
I have been informed by a lucky married friend that proposing to his now wife felt like a sense of peace and stability, he felt grown up and more mature and that other married friends treated him differently, like he was welcomed into the ‘adult’ part of the group.
For one friend, proposing was the next step of tradition, marriage was the next tick box, but he also added the proposal was not planned with inspiration, and no butterflies or a big speech prepared either. Do you think a 'tickbox' is right?
One other added that with following traditions came a lot of pressures, to propose and then also to marry soon after. He realised he wanted to do the big steps when HE wanted to do it, not have pressure forced, the engagement was called off and the relationship broke down.
But that feels right to me, our men should do it when they feel they are ready.
For some, they didn't feel any pressure to propose and purely wanted to marry their partner, believing they could not live without their partner in their life. Hearing some beautiful romantic engagements there too, thought and attention was given with all their feelings.
I was informed that engagement was a sign of commitment to their loved one. Hints were dropped by their partner and after proposing the relationship was stronger than ever.
Photo from Unsplash
Interesting findings were that a second go of a committed relationship was taken with caution, no traditions and in particular no pressure. It goes side by side with ‘what you want in your 20s is not always the same in your 30s etc’. We grow up, mature and our outlooks become clearer. It seems our men are guided by this too.
I felt a mixed result in my findings, and thank you to all my friends who took part. In answer to my question, not all men will feel a pressure to propose, they are sometimes quite simply and happily in love, but when there IS pressure, you won't get that Disney proposal you were hoping for as, he'll more than likely approach it with all the enthusiasm of a naughty boy being sent to the headmaster.
Did you drop hints for your partner to propose?
Does being engaged really make a difference?