Do Men Feel Pressure to Propose?

Published on 13 January 2022 at 10:33

 

I don't know about you, but over the Christmas/New Year period I like to place a bet on which one of my friends is going to announce their engagement, I was right this time, one of my closest friends won the prize, she was proposed to on Christmas day. So I thought I would compose a post on my own thoughts behind the reasons for a proposal, and in particular those of the male perspective, you may be surprised by what I discovered, I certainly was.

 

The tradition would be: Dating, becoming an official boyfriend and girlfriend, live together, engagement, wedding, kids, right? But why do we feel pressure to follow such ‘tradition’? Do you believe in this tradition? It makes sense, to be in a stable relationship before committing to a marriage, to settle in a home before introducing babies to the house.  


My point here is, I'm a woman, we want to tell that engagement story for the rest of our lives to anyone who will listen, but do our men? What is really going through their heads?  I wanted to explore and delve into how our men truly feel.

 

Photo from Unsplash

 

So I asked a few close male friends and found the following insights:

 

I have been informed by a lucky married friend that proposing to his now wife felt like a sense of peace and stability, he felt grown up and more mature and that other married friends treated him differently, like he was welcomed into the ‘adult’ part of the group.

 

Another:

 

For one friend, proposing was the next step of tradition, marriage was the next tick box, but he also added the proposal was not planned with inspiration, and no butterflies or a big speech prepared either.  Do you think a 'tickbox' is right? 

 

Another:

 

One other added that with following traditions came a lot of pressures, to propose and then also to marry soon after.  He realised he wanted to do the big steps when HE wanted to do it, not have pressure forced, the engagement was called off and the relationship broke down. 

 

But that feels right to me, our men should do it when they feel they are ready

 

Another:

 

For some, they didn't feel any pressure to propose and purely wanted to marry their partner, believing they could not live without their partner in their life.  Hearing some beautiful romantic engagements there too, thought and attention was given with all their feelings.

 

I was informed that engagement was a sign of commitment to their loved one.  Hints were dropped by their partner and after proposing the relationship was stronger than ever.

 

Photo from Unsplash

 

Interesting findings were that a second go of a committed relationship was taken with caution, no traditions and in particular no pressure. It goes side by side with ‘what you want in your 20s is not always the same in your 30s etc’. We grow up, mature and our outlooks become clearer. It seems our men are guided by this too. 

 

Conclusion 


I felt a mixed result in my findings, and thank you to all my friends who took part. In answer to my question, not all men will feel a pressure to propose, they are sometimes quite simply and happily in love, but when there IS pressure, you won't get that Disney proposal you were hoping for as, he'll more than likely approach it with all the enthusiasm of a naughty boy being sent to the headmaster.

 

 

Did you drop hints for your partner to propose? 

 

Does being engaged really make a difference?


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Comments

Fransic verso
4 months ago

I think most men would be under pressure doing this because it's a big move.

Jeanette
4 months ago

It is, for both partners, however is one putting more pressure on the other? If we're pressured into doing something.... Don't we run in the opposite direction?

Rachel
4 months ago

Well my now husband and I discussed marriage from the onset. I told him I don't have time to waste and if we are to be in a serious committed relationship, he needs to know marriage is my end goal. It does not mean that our relationship will end in marriage because we may realize we are not compatible but just know I'm not here to waste three years of my life. That was the conversation.

Skip down to two years in our relationship he and I had very different views on marriage. He simply saw it as a legality and certain things had to be put in place before marriage could be considered. His perspective on marriage changed after I was robbed at gunpoint in my home and the person threatened to kill me. I guess realizing he was very close to losing me forever made him realize life was too short.

Ironically, as the one who dreamt of being married her whole life I was most hesistant about getting married ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Jeanette
4 months ago

Wow Rachel, thank you for sharing this with us. Absolutely love that you mentioned your goal right from the beginning, I honestly don't think this is stressed enough.
But it goes side by side with what I wrote too, we go through relationships using the traditional steps and when it comes to the marriage part, one half of the partnership may not be there yet.

But I feel your way, has to be commended x

Fadima Mooneira
4 months ago

Cool information sharing. I learned a lot of things about men and proposals from reading this post. And congratulations to you friend. I hope all will turn well for her.

Jeanette
4 months ago

Thank you I'm sure she will be absolutely fine.

Alicia Thompson
4 months ago

Hello! Great post and a good time to post too!! I hope men donโ€™t do it out of pressure as it should be something that comes next in the relationship, when the time is right! I think if marriage isnโ€™t for you, I support it 100%, Alicia

Jeanette
4 months ago

Hi, yes I have to agree also, pressure does sometimes make us run in the opposite direction

Alicia from tastyeasyeats
4 months ago

Some men do genuinely want to commit and marry. Those are the rare guys that are hard to find. Thanks for writing this. Awesome post.

Jeanette
4 months ago

Hiya, agreed to that, only a small percentage of who I asked was this found to be the case

Rayo
4 months ago

Food for thought, just like girls feel the need to marry, men also feel the pressure to propose. I hope men propose genuinely and feel ready when doing so.