The Experience that almost destroyed me - Part One

Published on 11 February 2022 at 10:03

 

I am pretty sure I am not the only one with bad dating stories to tell. I'm sharing this piece of personal writing with you because one, I want to raise awareness that there are untrustworthy people out there and two, this is part of me, my mistake and it could have been worse. 

 

Although I feel like naming and shaming, I know I can't, so his name has been changed to 'Liam'. 

 

How we met

We were both on an online dating site, his photo was eye-catching, he was the same age as me and his opening line on his profile had me laughing, so naturally I was interested. Not married ✔️ no children ✔️ lots in common ✔️ blue eyes ✔️ Everything was ticked except that he lived in London quite a way from me.  He was also the only one who replied to messages, it is quite rare on a dating site that you get any interaction via messages.

 

Instantly we hit it off, we spent most nights chatting on the fone and were soon arranging a date he would travel on the train to visit me. I had not been on a first date for many many years, I was nervous but excited. 

 

Our first meet… 

Could not have been more perfect if you plucked it out of a movie. We walked down to my local pub, had dinner and laughed loads. This first meeting was roughly 3 weeks after we had been chatting on the phone, but we still had loads to talk about. 

 

I just couldn't believe it was so easy, just 10 months of being single and I thought I had actually found someone that quite possibly I could have a future with. He actually formally asked me to be his girlfriend in the sweetest of ways and I said yes. He paid me so many compliments I felt right at ease with him. All the right feelings were there. I felt like a princess

 

First red flag

I Remember him showing me lots of pictures of his two nieces, both quite young girls and told me he spent almost every day with them so if I called, I was sure to hear them in the background. He also assured me that he spent lots of time visiting his mother, so if he could not answer or reply to a message it was because he was at the hospital with her, as she had cancer. 

 

He also told me that he was a limo driver for a prestige company and that his boss always called him to arrange some pickups with him, but he would have to take them calls in private because the clients were important and he had to mark times and dates down instantly on his phone. 

 

Spending lots 

As the next couple of weeks went on, he would send me gifts and flowers, both to my workplace and home addresses. It was like he wanted me to remember him, not to forget him just because he was not close by. So many cards he had written and sent with different gifts in each one too. There were spa vouchers and shopping vouchers, it was making me think maybe I wasn't undateable after all, he loved me for who I am.

 

Photo from Unsplash

 

One particular gift was a beautiful looking necklace, all wrapped up and delivered in a brown envelope through my door with a love note from Liam. I was feeling so overwhelmed by his effort and swept away by his generosity.

 

Photo from Unsplash

 

Cohabiting

After meeting up a further 3 more times since our first and finally meeting my daughter, he mentioned that he was not happy to leave me anymore and to be honest it's how I felt too. So while we were waiting for his train home he searched through the Internet and emailed me 3 properties in my local area and told me to ring and enquire about viewing them together in the week. His intention that evening was 'he would come up here to live with us and he could move his job to anywhere nearby'. 

 

Now at this point I have to admit, it was moving way faster than I thought it should be and I remember just agreeing to do that but I had no intention to see it through. 

 

However that week, he was really pushy at making sure I had arranged viewings. I made lots of excuses and called him out on it a couple of times, 'it is a bit too soon and why now? Why not wait until we really know etc'. He wasn't happy and he actually sent me a viewing time and date on one property that he had arranged just for me to look at. I didn't attend and told him I was ill. 

 

It was our very first little fall out but it was dealt with quickly and I realised I just could not do without this man in my life, he made me feel better about myself, I was falling in love and after a while, he met my family.  I introduced him so proudly and with a smile on his face he was accepted and welcomed with open arms.

 

But...

 

I was starting to get a little concerned about the amount of phone calls he was receiving when we were together. I mean it was A LOT. He told me they were his boss and his mum, she worried as he travelled far to see me and wondered if he was ok.

 

Photo from Unsplash

 

I also remember calling him a couple of times during the day, I would hear his nieces in the background but he would make excuses to end the calls, several times. 



And this is where Part one ends I'm afraid…. Gripped? Need to hear how it all ended? Part two is now here:

 

 

 

J x


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Comments

Fadima Mooneira
3 months ago

Oh dear! Sorry to heard this. But every girl had a bad dating experience. I have 3 bad dating experiences before. Huhuhu…

Jeanette
3 months ago

Thank you for reading, yes I know I won't be alone, I hope you are ok too

Transatlantic Notes
3 months ago

I feel like I know where this is going and want to read more about your experiences because I'm hoping he gets exposed. Thank you for sharing this as it's important people going out and dating learn about those red flags that pop up and how not to ignore them when they do (easier said than done, I know).

Molly | transatlanticnotes.com

Jeanette
3 months ago

Thank you for your comments, yes honestly red flags and hut instincts are so important. Part two coming soon

Lo
3 months ago

I’m hooked! Can’t wait for part II !!

Jeanette
3 months ago

Aww thank you, coming soon I promise

Molly
3 months ago

Gosh I am so intrigued about where this is going?! I hope you’re ok now anyway?

Jeanette
3 months ago

Thank you for reading my post, I am absolutely fine now thank you. I will be leaving a link to my part 3 story too

readandreviewit
3 months ago

Oh I'm sorry to hear this, I hope you're doing okay! It's so important to see those initial red flags but sometimes it can be so hard. Thanks for sharing, I'm definitely intrigued to read the next part x

Jeanette
3 months ago

Thank you your lovely comments, I am fine now thank you, it was hard at the time though. It imfeels good to share to at least try to help

Cassie
3 months ago

Well, that's just cruel! Can't believe you let me hanging. So many thoughts are going through my head. First and foremost is whether or not you're ok. I haven't dated much at all in my life and I suspect that this story may be one of the things I have at the back of my mind. Looking forward to part 2.

Jeanette
3 months ago

Haha yes sorry, it was just too long to put into one post and it's good to feel suspense once in a while. I am fine thank you now x

Jamieadstories
3 months ago

Sorry you had this awful experience of being used.

Jeanette
3 months ago

Thank you, everyone makes mistakes. But it could have been worse

Katie
3 months ago

Very intrigued to see where this is going! It’s always comforting to know that we’re not the only ones to have bad online dating experiences 🙈

Jeanette
3 months ago

Thank you for commenting, we may be aware of the red flags but we very easily get sidetracked when in the moment too

Zinelr Blog
a month ago

After reading the first part, I can totally understand the pull. He did everything “right” : showering you with gifts, compliments, thinking about a future together. But I agree that there seems to be something wrong going on : the secrecy, the excuses, moving way too fast. I have yet to read the last two parts. I wish you all the best and thank you so much for sharing your experience 🖤

- Zinelr

Jeanette
a month ago

Thank you so much for reading this experience, I do appreciate it x