The secrets in a marriage, they can't bear to share

Published on 27 November 2023 at 19:14


Did you know that according to Ancient Rome, ending the wedding ceremony with a kiss was a legal bond to seal the contract? 


The dictionary meaning of secret is:- noun, hidden from, or not known to other people. 


Do you have a secret? 


To the outside world of their marriage, a couple can portray that everything's rosey,  but in reality secrets that are affecting a marriage can fester, but they will never share them. 


Let's discuss some common secrets below that most couples tend not to share:


Financial struggles

This is probably the biggest kept secret that a married couple will never share with others. Whether the struggle is down to unemployment or bad habits, no savings or too much debt, it's something that will be dealt with behind closed doors mainly. 


But is hiding it from loved ones really a good thing? 


Personally I am an honest person and when financial hardship hit, I expressed it to my family. If they were asking me to pay out for concert tickets and I couldn't afford it, I'd tell them why. If we missed out on a family dinner at a restaurant because we were slightly short that week, I'd express just that. 


What about the thought of one of you in the marriage saving for a rainy day, putting every little bit aside and the other spending it? How about taking out a secret loan telling absolutely no one including the partner? Finances really can be a downfall for many reasons and this is why I believe it is one of the worst secrets between a couple.


Photo from Unsplash



I've been there myself, you argue so badly with your spouse in the car on your way to visiting family and the minute you arrive, we're acting as though that argument didn't happen. You don't want others to know why you've just rowed and maybe you don't want them to know because it's a sign cracks are appearing in your marriage, so you both keep quiet because you don't want to hear others' opinions.


But is keeping arguments from others the best thing?


The best thing to remember here is that all couples argue, whether it be infrequent or all the time, it's natural. 



Some examples of disrespect in a marriage would be: nagging, lying or disloyalty. We all understand no one is perfect but continuously using a person's faults in a disrespectful way, is demoralising to their personality. Not to mention the underlying effects to mental health. You can see why over long periods of time this behaviour is damaging but yet sometimes, this is still kept behind closed doors and once again, a secret not shared. 


Even small condescending comments and lack of acknowledgements of praise are disrespectful behaviour. 


No physical attraction 

Over many years sometimes the first initial attraction that you had, right at the beginning of your relationship, for your now husband or wife, might actually be dwindling away. Life, children or circumstances may be to blame for the lack of physical connection to each other but again, we don't actually share this feeling, not even to our spouse. This one is kept firmly to ourselves. 


Then there's the 'I love my husband/wife but I'm not sexually attracted to him/her'. Is this really a great feeling to have? Why can you not be honest with your partner and work this out together?


Photo from Unsplash


Sexual attraction’s end goal is just sex, love’s end goal is maintaining a relationship. This is quite an important statement huh?


Secrets can be okay 

Whether a couple is trying for a baby or they have separated but can't announce it, secrets do exist in a marriage. The couple are united with something that binds the two together. It can be a mutual trust based on self preservation. 


Did you know? 

42% of marriages end in divorce, and it is said that women are most likely to partition for divorce proceedings first. 


If this post has resonated with you in some way, I'd love to hear from you in the comments below. 


Thank you for reading.

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